We hired a manual Toyota Corolla with SatNav and set off the 240 odd miles to Rotorua, now NZ is an island the size of the UK but with a 15th of the population so whilst the roads are not 4 lane motorways, they are sparsely populated so you can drive freely.
As a part of my continued research into international McDonalds menues ( let's re-cap)
Nepal - McYak
India - McPaneer (Cottage cheese)
China - McDog
Tibet - McLama
We now have the McKiwi burger, a phenomenal 100% Angus beef burger, with bacon, chutney, beetroot, onion and a fried egg- it's the winner to date.
We really are driving through Middle Earth, the landscape is wild and untamed and just to confirm our suspicions we pass through the town of 'Hobbiton', the actual place where Lord of the Rings was filmed, can I get a whoop whoop!
Roturua sits on the South Eastern coast of it's names sake lake, it's endearing quality is the omnipresent stench of rotten eggs, such is the life in a geothermal town ( factoid- the earths crust is extremely thin here in some parts molten magma is only a mile from the surface)
Our hotel is apparently one of the top spas in the woooooooorld so we will try and confirm or deny that rumour later, for now we are headed to a traditional Maori village to learn a little about their culture and customs and more importantly tuck into a proper Maori Hangi ( think pepper pot or clambake with food buried over hot rocks and covered with wet cloth for 4 hours)
We were with about 100 others, our "tribe" consisted of 15 nationalities, we first inspected the food then visited the village where a peace offering to the Chief and tribe would be made. We were privy to village life, their songs, games, weapons and if course the Haka ( each tribe had it's own)
To do your own Haka, put on your wife's fox stole, as a skirt and duck tape some bush to your head, then take mascara pen close your eyes and draw four birds on your face ( owl, bat, kiwi and goose( ok I forgot the fourth bird))
Now eat a whole lemon followed by a pint of vinegar, this should produce the scary Haka 'warrier' face, stick out your tongue, open your legs ( easy now) and bend your knees, now slap all your exposed body parts chanting the below:
Ka mate, ka mate
Ka ora' Ka ora'.
Ka mate, ka mate
Ka ora Ka ora "
Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru
Nāna i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā
A Upane! Ka Upane!
Upane Kaupane"
Whiti te rā,!
Hī!
Try it next time a stranger comes to your door to sell you something you don't want.
The post Haka food was delicious, slow cooked chicken and lamb, veggies and salad and apparently traditional desserts of pavlova, chocolate log and trifle...who knew? We both over ate and waddled through the evening tour of a natural spring river with Maori war canoe and it's resident glow worms.
We took to the waters back at the hotel with a steam and sauna to boot, tomorrow we have a geothermal spa booked. As well as a tour of the New Zealand Pompeii.
Kei ēnā tikanga hoki!
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